#godbless us all i know people wnated to see this masterpost. so i hope u guys enjoy

[ldlingsomewhere]

the tie between schlatt and pearl in the @mcytblrcringefail semifinals inspired. in true gay castle fashion. the crackship of schlearl. which is now my baby girl. i understand her like no one else does. with the help of assorted gay castle commentators and most especially @minecrois i bring to you. an unedited bullet point list mostly copy pasted from discord of my most central thoughts on schlearl. it's a truly awful name i love it so much

they're dating but they're not dating.  they live together in a shitty third floor apartment.  pearl started smoking different worse cigarettes so that schlatt wouldn't steal hers anymore.  everyone hates that they're dating and none of pearl's friends know schlatt except as here weird asshole roommate boyfriend and they're always like "you know we would support  you if you guys broke up you could always move in with us". like all of her friends are like "pearl come on move back in with us like pick a house and we'll make space for you we miss you you don't seem happy in your shitty apartment with your... boyfriend" and she's like.  "no i am i really like living here"  and no one really accepts it

there's totally a scene were like grian is like.  "you SMOKE" and she's like.  "uhm.  yeah" and he's like "is this about him.  is this why you smoke did he get you into it" and she's like "i have smoked on and off for like 5 years and i have known schlatt for like 3 how would he have "gotten me in" to smoking.  also you literally have a dedicated weed smoking room in your house what are you trying to say to me"

people are like "oh well why don't you guys just break up you seem really miserable" and they turn in unison and go "well we're not miserable thank you very much.  we quite like this actually.  go away.  why don't you tell that to etho and bdubs, hm?  didn't someone throw a printer at someone there? hm?"

pearl works at a gas station but she takes the night shifts.  schlatt works at a walmart but he wont let anyone know where he works

  "no you don't get to know where i work that's between me and god" "and your employer" "and my employer"  "what if it's an emergency" "idk work it out you don't get to know where i work"  "WE LIVE TOGETHER how can you think i wont figure out somehow"  "you won't though". 

they barely see each other because they have opposite shifts.  they yell at each other all the time and its really entertaining and enriching for both of them. 

this is a pearl who gets to be mean, she gets to be dirty and gross and have fun. they're very 25 in a very real and normal way, sort of in contrast to the rest of the hermits and friends inhabiting this modern au, who are relatively well put together even in their dysfunction

pearl is like "well maybe if you let me decorate the apartment" and schlatt is like "the furniture provided is FINE we're NOT going to ikea" and she's like "i was going to go to flea markets and look around but fine" and he's like "we're on the 3rd floor how would you even get flea market furniture up here" and she's like "well fine.  i guess ill go to ikea do you want meatballs" and he's like "why would i want meatballs i hate ikea" and she's like "you like their meatballs you're just hungover go barf and you'll feel better.  bye".  she's also hungover she's just dealing with it better than him

pearl has one of those cute little pet cactus that grian gave her that she repotted because the old pot broke and now its like a medium sized cactus that's too big to be cute and fashionable and it lives on their shitty balcony that's primarily just used for them to smoke at and they have shitty plastic lawn chairs.  you know the ones.  that squeak every time that you reposition them

schlatt and pearl smell like the exact same person and everyone notices and is like "wow they're really close" and like they are but not in the way everyone thinks of, they're close in a secret special way that can only be achieved by dating-not-dating your roommate who you have really weird tension and are weirdly close with. its very very important to understand that they're not actually dating. everyone just thinks they are and they kind of are, but they're not

90% of their clothes are communal and they're all really worn in.  they still get mad at each other for taking "their clothes" but they haven't known who the clothes actually belong to for a really long time

schlatt ingratiates himself.  not on purpose.  to the hermits et al because pearl shares a costco membership with them and so he will often have to drive over and pick up groceries because pearl is asleep or getting ready for work or something

via either @twinprimeconjecture or @faghypnotizd or maybe probably both on the potential for schleralis: it would be a one night stand thing and for some reason schlatt would actually come to a thing with pearl and the rest of the hermits would be there and it would be a very awkward realization and then conversation of schlatt going "wait.  i recognize you [keralis] because we slept together for a brief period like 3 years ago.  and now i'm your friend's friend's roommate boyfriend guy.  and also all of you guys dont like me at all"